Is Mother’s Day going to be difficult for you this year? If so, then this is for you.
It’s not a day many moms look forward to. It only brings pain. Sadness. Heartache. When your relationship is strained or non-existent you’d rather skip it. You know you probably won’t hear from them, much less get a card.
You won’t see their smiling face greet you with affection, hand-made cards or thoughtful gifts. They’re too self-focused and oblivious for such loving gestures. They may not even know it’s Mother’s Day. They’re clueless.
Where does that leave you? Set up for a lot of hurt and pain, anger and resentment.
These are times when I tend to long for the past. I linger over the positive memories from when my daughter was little and wanted to cuddle in my lap. I remember when I was her hero. Can you remember that time?
But those days are over. That’s in the past and we can’t get it back. We’re in a new place on our parenting journey – a place of grief and loss; of shattered dreams; of letting go; a place of change. Wounds have been inflicted. Deep pain and disappointment have become the norm.
How did we get here – to this place of not wanting to face Mother’s Day, a day that once was special, full of love and laughter?
Can’t we pray it all away? I tried and it didn’t work.
Is there anyone who can make it better?
Yes, there is, but it’s not time yet. And so, we wait – with a big unknown looming before us as to when we’ll ever be reconciled. Until that day, be comforted by this: Your heavenly Father knows. He understands. He cares. He feels your pain and He is close.
What can you do now? Here are 6 tips that helped me when Mother’s Day hurt:
1) Lower your expectations – this prepares you for less hurt and disappointment if things don’t turn out as you hoped.
2) Change your traditions. Do things differently. Start something new.
3) Make plans to do what you enjoy even if you have to do it by yourself or with a friend.
4) Give yourself permission to feel your feelings. If you need to express sadness, make the space to shed tears. Let them out. Holding them only hurts you more.
5) If you’re angry, write your child a letter expressing everything you want to say. Let it rip – but then destroy the letter. Tear it into a million little pieces. This helps release anger and might prevent you from saying something you’d regret. Repressing anger causes depression.
6) Shift your focus. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, focus on what you can be thankful for. And maybe you could you do something for someone else? You’ll feel so much better.
Above all, remember how special and loved you are by God, your heavenly Father. He thinks you’re absolutely amazing. So amazing that He died for you.
If He had a refrigerator your picture would be on it – wrinkles, crooked teeth, grey hair and all! In His eyes you’re perfect. You are the beloved of Christ. It can’t get any better than that, can it?
This Scripture comforts me:
“Praise the Lord. . . for great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.” (Psalm 117:2 NIV)
A book you might like is: My Cup Overflows by Emilie Barnes.
Dear brokenhearted mom, I want to encourage you by telling you that God has restored the relationship with my daughter, Renee, so there’s hope for you, too. Hold on. Never, ever give up. You don’t what tomorrow holds.
This photo is from the To Write Love on Her Arms movie premiere in early March. If you haven’t seen it yet, you can rent it from any RedBox, netflix, etc.