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Posts Tagged ‘anger’

Is Mother’s Day going to be difficult for you this year? If so, then this is for you.

It’s not a day many moms look forward to. It only brings pain. Sadness. Heartache. When your relationship is strained or mother's daynon-existent you’d rather skip it. You know you probably won’t hear from them, much less get a card.

You won’t see their smiling face greet you with affection, hand-made cards or thoughtful gifts. They’re too self-focused and oblivious for such loving gestures. They may not even know it’s Mother’s Day. They’re clueless.

Where does that leave you? Set up for a lot of hurt and pain, anger and resentment. (more…)

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Anger. A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or irritation; frustration or exasperation toward someone or something you communication2have no control over. Gee, that definition describes what we often feel as parents of rebellious children, doesn’t it? We have no control over our adult children (teens can be very difficult, too – any age can).

You know what it feels like. It wells up within you. Some of us are more comfortable expressing our anger than others. I’m one of the ‘others’ (more…)

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Today’s blog is an excerpt from the book I’m writing about my difficult journey as a parent.

“No one is exempt from tragedy or disappointment—God himself was not exempt. Jesus offered no immunity, no way out of the unfairness, butDisappointment rather a way through . . .” (Philip Yancey, Disappointment with God; Zondervan. New York, NY. 1988; p.217)

As loving, conscientious parents we had the need to find an explanation for why things turned out like they did with our daughter. At nineteen, she was struggling with drug and alcohol abuse, bipolar, anxiety, cutting, and trauma from being raped. How could this happen to the dreams I had for her? What did I do wrong? It’s not fair! Where is God? I was so angry and disappointed. (more…)

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As parents, we naturally do a lot of talking, especially to our kids.  However, as they get older, become teenagers, and grow into adulthood, for many of us, it seems like we don’t command the same attention as we did when they were younger. Especially if they’re involved in self-destructive activities – drugs and alcohol, self-injury, any addictive behaviors, an eating disorder; or if they struggle with a mental health issue or same-sex attraction.

listening5Many of my attempted conversations with our daughter went south and the clash of two strong-willed individuals resounded throughout the house. Tempers rose, voices were raised and the only thing accomplished was an increasing distance between us.

As the high school years went by these incidences occurred more frequently.  By her senior year things had escalated to the point where I think she was grounded most of the time.

I was frustrated, angry and confused. At a loss as to what I could say to get through to her, I wasn’t making any progress. I only wanted the best for her.

One day I praying about this mess. I was on my knees, complaining to God about my inability to talk to my daughter. I hoped I could change the destructive course she was bent on taking.

In the midst of my plea, I sensed God say something to me. (more…)

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*Today’s blog is written by Debbie Haughton, a licensed mental health counselor who is on our Hope for Hurting Parents caring concernBoard. She will explain what EMDR is and how it could help your child.

It’s difficult for a parent to see their son or daughter struggle and rebel. Some rebellion turns into drug and alcohol use, casual sex, and sometimes breaking the law. Parents feel powerless over what to do. Usually when a son or daughter is angry, belligerent, shutting down, unmotivated, or lashing out it usually means they are unhappy with themselves.
One of the best ways to help this situation is to provide counseling.

A very effective method that can be used to help someone who is stuck like this is called EMDR. I use this approach with 90% of my clients because they get better faster and really get to the root of their issues more easily.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is a great tool to help our sons and daughters get better. (more…)

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Crisis of any kind can put a marriage at risk. It is a treasure that must be carefully guarded.GuardCrisis comes to parents in many forms. Our biggest one was when our daughter began getting in trouble with alcohol and drugs in high school. Our painful journey continued for years. It would include self-injury, mental illness, sexual assault, suicide attempts and rehabs – the perfect storm for marriage trouble.

In situations like these, disagreements and conflicts increase. Irritability, misunderstandings and blame occur. Grief, confusion and helplessness consume.  My husband had heard these words of wisdom years earlier in a college class. He remembered them when we needed it most and took them to heart.

What can you do to guard your marriage when you have a rebellious child?

We determined we would be more intentional about our relationship by doing these 8 things:

·         1. Make time for fun. Plan a weekly date. Declare it a “no prodigal zone” not talking about your child.

·        2. Take turns being the bad guy. Don’t let one parent always give discipline or have the hard conversations.

·         3. Put your marriage first, not you child. One day they will move on and you will be left with one another.

·        4.  Memorize and practice these statements. “You may be right.” “What do you need from me right now?”  “I’m not the enemy.”

·        5.  Divorce is not an option. Remove the word from your vocabulary and never threaten it in the heat of the moment.  This gives security.

·         6. Forgive each other for mistakes and failures.  No one is perfect.  Give grace. We both need it – a lot.

·         7.   Be a united front. Don’t disagree in your child’s presence. Work out differences privately ahead of time so they can’t drive a wedge between you or play you against each other.

·         8. Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to “fix” each other. When sharing feelings, offer a listening ear and an understanding heart.

 Which one of these will you to start doing?

These Scriptures encouraged us:

“Two are better than one . . . If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”  Ecclesiastes 4:9

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.” I Corinthians 13:4-8

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Have you been dreading Father’s Day this year? Do you wish it would just go away? If your child is in rebellion, making destructive choices, estranged fromDSCN2313 you, or is suffering with a mental illness, then this is not a day you look forward to. It only elevates the pain and sadness you already feel. I posted a similar message to moms for Mother’s Day.This is for dad’s.

Dad, are you expecting to not hear from your child, much less get a card? They’re too self-focused and oblivious for that. They might not even know what day it is. They’re clueless. 

Where does that leave you? Set up for a lot of hurt and pain, anger and resentment. (more…)

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