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Posts Tagged ‘control’

SurrenderWhen someone you love is diagnosed with a mental illness (major depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, PTSD, OCD) something very ugly tends to rear its head. I call it the two-headed monster of stigma and shame. It finds life from those who don’t understand because they’re either uninformed or misinformed. When it’s directed at your son or daughter the hurt runs deep. You feel protective. Defensive. But maybe you felt this way toward them yourself.

You need to hear these things:

  • Don’t believe your child’s value in this world is diminished because of their mental illness. (more…)
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Today’s blog was written by fellow mom blogger, Stacy Flury: Anchor of Promise. She has some excellent enabling1insights for parents of teens who are in crisis. I think you’ll find it helpful.

I have met a lot of parents with teens in crisis throughout the years and among them I found four common responses.

When a situation arises and your teen is in crisis, which one of these negative parenting styles are you implementing into your life?

The Denial Parent – Although you love your teen, you think that what they are doing is just a rebellious stage in their life in which they will finally outgrow it and get their life together with time. When you do see the outright dangers and concerns, you hope that it will quickly die down and be fixed on its own by the next day. If someone confronts the situation head on, you retreat and let them know that you are working on it but it is never addressed in the long run. When you cannot deny it any longer, you find many excuses as to why you couldn’t help in the first place. (more…)

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Are you a mom or dad who feels like you’re going crazy? Our child’s destructive behaviors and unwise choices can bring us to the place of thinking we’re losing our mind. It’s pure insanity.

Insanity has been defined as “doing something the same way over and over again, expecting different results.” According to this, I must be insane.meditate

Over and over again I’ve made attempts to control and fix and change my daughter, only to get the same results. I’ve had a revelation.

I can’t do it. I can’t change her. It was wasted effort. Useless.

Living with the pain and stress of a loved one’s alcohol or drug abuse, self-harm,  mental illness, same-sex issues, pornography use, gambling, or suicidal tendencies can make you a little nutty. No matter how hard you try, you get the same results.

With good intentions we often try to control people, places and things, believing our way is the right way. Unsuccessful, we’re slow to recognize reality. We keep trying. It’s an insane way to live.

In the 12 Step recovery program, Step 3 says: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God . . .”

We need to come to the place where we’re ready to relinquish our desire for control and let our children – any age – learn from their mistakes.  When we do this we’ll have a more peaceful life. Sounds good to me.

I have to let go of what I want and of the idea that I have any power to change another person. I can only change myself – and I don’t even do that very well.

Recovery programs say this is “choosing between an insane life and a sane one”. My will – trying to make something happen – or God’s will – giving it to Him and trusting Him with the outcome.

How long will we continue running around in the same circles before we’re willing to admit defeat and turn to a Source of real help? Let’s stop doing the same things over and over again. This will only make us dizzy and sick.

I don’t know about you, but I want to exchange my insanity for the sanity God can give. He’s my source of help.  I can make this exchange when I  let go of my will and give my child over to His care.

I hate feeling so helpless and powerless, but I need to remember that God is in control. He is working where I can’t.God is in control

This Scripture verse gives me hope that with God’s help, I can get off the insanity merry-go-round:

“See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:19)

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