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Posts Tagged ‘courage’

boundariesDo you find it hard to say no to your son or daughter? You know you should, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it? You give in too many times. I have. You want to be strong. You say you’re going to say no the next time, but . . .

I’m not speaking of a mature, responsible teen or adult child. Of course you help them if you can when they need it. I’m referring to the son or daughter who’s irresponsible, has addictions, or other patterns of destructive and dangerous behavior.

When you say yes to the latter, you think you’re being loving and helping but really – you’re not. Love needs to be tough. Helping only keeps them dependent on you, and it prevents (more…)

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Today’s blog is a re-post from February 2013.

Are you a weary parent?  Are you drained?  Depleted?  Worn out from dealing with your child’s rebelliousness, alcohol and drug abuse, eating disorder, forms of self-injury like cutting and burning, pornography, mental illness, sexual identity issues and continuous arrests?  If you’re likeWizard of Oz2 me, you lack something. Because of what’s missing, you keep saying “yes” when you really want to say “no” to your child’s requests for help – more money,  more of this and more of that.

Why do we do this? Why do we keep denying our feelings? Why do we continue to give in when we really want to stand firm and say no? What happened to us? Where did our healthy boundaries go?

What do we lack?  COURAGE. Been there. Done that. How about you? (more…)

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exerciseToday’s post is from my dear husband, Tom. I hope you enjoy his writings as much as I do. He will be posting twice a month:

As the pain increases and the heartache is prolonged, we hurting parents begin to let go of other things that were important in our lives at one time. These could be other relationships, doing fun things with our spouse, enjoying good music or hobbies.

Another thing we let go of is our health.  This can show up in our eating, sleeping and exercise patterns. We find ourselves at the doctor’s office more, then picking up medications at the drugstore we didn’t need in the past. Surgery or other procedures need to be scheduled. Perhaps medical equipment is on the night stand next to our bed that used to be reserved for a good book.

Stress is dangerous when it’s prolonged. Stress over a child struggling with issues we have no control over can destroy us as well.

Maybe our health wasn’t that good before our children decided to make destructive choices. This agony doesn’t help. Sometimes it gives us a false excuse to continue making destructive decisions ourselves.

I am convinced that finding the courage to start engaging in physical exercise of some kind will prove to be a positive step in reducing the negative effects  of stress on our bodies. We may find our moods lifting, our energy increasing, our outlook brighter and over time our bodies will thank us for loving them, too.

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wizard of oz1Are you a weary parent?  Are you drained?  Depleted?  Worn out from dealing with your child’s rebelliousness, alcohol and drug abuse, eating disorder, forms of self-injury like cutting and burning, pornography, mental illness, sexual identity issues and continuous arrests?  If you’re like me, you lack something. Because of this you keep saying “yes” when you really want to say “no” to your child’s requests for help – more money,  more of this and more of that.

Why do we do this? Why do we keep denying our feelings? Why do we continue to give in when inside we want to stand firm and say no? What happened to us? Where did our healthy boundaries go?

What do we lack?  COURAGE. Been there. Done that. How about you? (more…)

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Are you a brokenhearted parent due to your son or daughter’s behaviors? Is it sapping the life out of you?waiting1

Do you think it’s because of something you did? Do you feel guilty, as though it was somehow your fault?

Are you so embarrassed and ashamed that you can’t tell anyone? You won’t reach out for help?

Do you keep helping, giving money and rescuing from consequences because you have the need to protect them from pain?

Has fear about the what-ifs and unknowns consumed you?

Are you so overcome with anger and resentment that it’s making you sick, giving you an ulcer or heart palpitations?

If you can say yes to any of these questions, then I have two words for you:  (more…)

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Are you a weary parent?  Are you drained?  Depleted?  Worn out from dealing with your child’s problems with alcohol and drugs, eating disorders and all forms of self harm like cutting and burning, pornography, their sexual identity.  Are they in and out of jail?  We all lack the same thing.  We keep saying “yes” when we want to say “no” to our their requests for help . . . more money, more of this and more of that.  Why do we do this?  Why do we keep denying our feelings?  Why aren’t we honest?  Why do we continue to give in when inside we want to stand firm?  What happened to our healthy boundaries?

What do we lack?  COURAGE.  Been there.  Done that.  How about you?  We are just like Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz.  Remember him? He was afraid of everything.  He had no courage, no “verve”.  If only we could go along with Dorothy on the yellow brick road to see the wonderful, powerful Wizard of Oz.  Maybe he could dig down deep into his big, black, velvet bag and find a medal of bravery that would give us the courage we are lacking.  But wait!  I have found another source.  A much better one.

The words of the Serenity Prayer remind us of this Source when it speaks of our need of courage.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can . . .”

There it is.  God is the source.  I need to ask him for the courage I lack.  For the courage to change what I can.  I sure can’t change my child, can I?  I can only change me.  And boy is that hard.  I’ve tried to change myself and found that I can’t do it very well on my own.  It’s hard to start a new habit:  Exercising.  Eating healthier.  Getting up earlier.  Going to bed earlier.  Watching less TV.  Reading more.  Spending less time on the computer.  Spending more time with friends.  Going to church.  Sticking to a budget, etc.  It’s even harder to stop a bad habit.  It’s pretty tough to do any of this in your own strength.

Oh God, we need your help.  Show us how to say “no” when we need to.  Help us accept that it won’t be easy.   It will be downright scary at times.  We worry about what might happen if we don’t say “yes”.  Things might get worse.  Our child will experience pain.  It will probably evoke a negative response from them, maybe a loud and unpleasant one.  Make us strong and courageous.  Help us overcome our fear.  Help us develop tough skin so we can withstand any adverse reaction, yet still be able to say ”no” when we must.  Reveal to us why we have this need to please people.  Why we are so fearful.  Make us willing to face the deeper issues that we have within ourselves.  We don’t want to keep offering ourselves as doormats any longer.  We want to be strong so we can say “yes” to a healthier life and “no” when it is truly the more loving thing to do – both for our child and for us!

Here are a few Bible verses that help me when I feel weak and cowardly, needing a dose of courage.

“I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from?

 My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” 

(Ps. 121: 1-2)

“Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,

 For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” 

(Joshua 1:9)

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