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Posts Tagged ‘eating disorder’

come1You’ve been a good, loving, conscientious parent. You did the best you could. You thought you did it all right, you even took your child to church so they would believe in God and know right from wrong. You provided everything you thought was necessary for them to have a great life. But, somehow, you find yourself facing terribly painful situations with them that you never saw coming and you beat yourself up about it. You’re so hard on yourself, convinced it’s all your fault.

Your son or daughter has developed an addiction. They smoke pot every day. They need alcohol to function. They’ve been diagnosed with a mental illness (brain disorder) and either refuse treatment or can’t find the right medications. They’ve attempted suicide and been hopeless many times. Your daughter’s pregnant, or your son (more…)

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Are you the parent or grandparent in pain from a broken heart? Is your pain from the choices, behaviors or struggles of your photo cred. Jordan McQueenchild or grandchild? Mental illness, addiction, self-injury, an  eating disorder, suicidal tendencies, same-sex attraction, incarceration, or an unplanned pregnancy?

They feel like elephants sitting on our chests. They hang like menacing storm clouds over our heads, creating a constant state of anxiety and panic we can’t shake. Nausea is our regular unwanted companion. Maybe you’re a relative or friend of someone this describes. If so, I wrote this for you.

In my opinion, there are 5 things parents in pain (and yes, I’m a member of that club) want their loved ones and friends to know:

1. We need a lot of patience and understanding. Lots of it. We’re not ourselves. We can’t think straight. We may be more forgetful than usual. We may look all right on the outside, but inside we feel like we’re dying. (more…)

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It’s Easter. A day of hope and new beginnings. That’s what people say, right? But what if you don’t feel very hopeful today? pray1Your child is struggling and you can’t help it – you feel hopeless. They’re incarcerated. They have a drug or alcohol problem. They’ve done so much damage to themselves. They inflict wounds on their bodies, too – cutting, burning, breaking bones, disordered eating They’ve been in and out of rehab, but can’t seem to overcome it. Is there any hope for them?

They made a terrible mistake and married that person you prayed they never would – or they moved in with them against your wishes (and prayers). Marriage is the furthest thing from their minds. Maybe now there’s an innocent child (or children) in the picture. Or they’re pursuing a gay lifestyle and hinted marriage could be ahead – or they already married their partner. What is there to hope for now?

Maybe they have a mental illness they can’t seem to manage. Suicide attempts you wish you could forget. It’s been a revolving door of psych wards, hospitalizations, medications, counselors, psychiatrists and there’s still no stability, no peace, no rest – for them, or for you. You wonder how much more you can take. Your heart cries out, “How much longer, O God?”

You see no way anything good could come from all that’s happened. Everything looks ruined. You feel lifeless – dead, stuck in a darkened tomb with a huge stone blocking the only way out. And it really stinks.

What now? What can you do?

  • Keep praying and trusting. God is the relentless Hound of Heaven.
  • Be honest – with God and a few safe people. Let out your pain. He sees. He knows. He cares.
  • Never give up – tomorrow could be their Resurrection Day!
  • Remember who God is, what He’s done in the past, and what He can do in the future. He can raise the dead back to life again!

As long as your child is still breathing – there’s still hope.
So, hope on!

Hold. On. To. Promises. Expectantly.

If you need some fresh hope you might like this book: The Hope of a Homecoming by Brendan O’Rourke and DeEtte Sauer. Click here to order it from our website and a small portion of your purchase will help our ministry, Hope for Hurting Parents.

This verse from the Bible reminds me where my hope comes from:

“Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope.” (Psalm 119:49)

006It’s my prayer that your hope will be renewed today because Christ is risen! He is Risen Indeed! And He has the power to raise your son or daughter back to life.  And if you don’t see this in your lifetime, He’ll raise you up from the grave you feel like your in, to live victoriously in His peace – today and all the days of your life.

In His Resurrection Power.

Amen.

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When your child is addicted to a substance or behavior, whether it’s pornography, gambling, cutting, binging and purging or to depression20 another person, it has a huge impact on us as their parent. If they suffer with a mental illness – Depression, Bipolar, Schizophrenia, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or an Anxiety Disorder it hurts us, too. If they’re gay or confused about their sexuality we’re affected as well.

Their pain is ours. We’re connected on a deep level, especially us moms. And sometimes we develop unhealthy, addictive behaviors ourselves.

What are you addicted to?

Getting your Way? “My child better please me and do what I told them; they need to live up to my expectations, or else.” (more…)

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pray1Are you a parent in pain? Be honest–do you feel thankful? In my darkest days, I didn’t.

Does the mention of the word “thankful” make you want to run and hide? When your heart’s been broken by your beloved son or daughter the last thing you feel like doing is being thankful. If they’re incarcerated, have AIDS, are slowly killing themselves with alcohol or drugs (or maybe an eating disorder), suffer with a mental illness, threaten suicide repeatedly, self-injure continually but refuse help, you want the world to go away. I know. I’ve felt that way, especially when my daughter wasn’t doing well close to Thanksgiving.

But wait – there’s so much to be thankful for, EVEN when you’re in pain because of your child’s choices, behaviors and struggles. You may say, as  I once did, “Shut up and don’t talk to me. It ain’t happening. How can I? There’s nothing to be thankful for! ”

I know,  I know . . . it’s so easy to get stuck (more…)

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Have you been caught in the middle of a storm with your son or daughter that feels like it will never be over? The phone calls in the middle of the night; collect calls from jail to bail them out one more time; repeated hospitalizations; endless medical bills; crisis after crisis. Have you found yourself in a situation where its really not healthy for you to be too involved in your child’s life anymore?

fall15Maybe they struggle with an addiction to drugs or alcohol (or something else); a mental illness or brain disorder, or with self-injuring behaviors (cutting or an eating disorder); a same-sex attraction; or are constantly in and out of trouble with the law.

You’ve done everything you knew to do. You’ve tried hard to rescue them, save them, change them and fix them – but nothing worked. You’re stuck in a never-ending storm. You feel like you can’t take it any more.

What do you need? (besides for your child to be okay) You need the serenity that comes from learning to love your child from a distance. Serenity isn’t the absence of a storm, it’s peace in the middle of it. (more…)

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This is a re-post of a blog I wrote on August 27, 2011.

Current events around the world strike fear in the hearts of many people. Another journalist was beheaded. No way!  How could this happen? Attractive Mature Woman What next?  The reactions are similar to what parents in pain over the behaviors, struggles, and choices of their children experience.

My child’s on drugs? They have a problem with alcohol?  They’re cutting themselves? They have an eating disorder?  They have a mental illness?  They’re suicidal? They’re attracted to the same sex?  They have a problem with pornography? They’re in jail? No way! Shock, denial, and fear are huge.

This Bible verse comes to mind:

I called on Your name, O Lord, out of the lowest pit.
You have heard my voice, “Do not hide your ear from my prayer for relief, from my cry for help.”
You drew near when I called on You;
You said, “Do not fear!'”
(Lamentations 3: 55-57)

Do you ever feel like you’re in a deep, dark pit? I sure have – exactly like this verse describes; crying out for God to hear my prayer and bring relief; to do something and please, hurry! That’s when I needed to hear these words.

I don’t know about you, but if I’m really honest, I would tell you that when I draw near to God I don’t always feel His nearness. Oh yes, I have felt Him close – powerfully close — many times, but not every time.

Those are the times I had to rely on my faith and what I believed to be true. This passage helped. It told me when I cry out to Him and do my best to seek Him in my pain,  He will  respond.

He draws near.

He not only hears, but he takes action.

He comes.

He is moved by my pain.

It touches Him.

He is not apathetic.

Don’t you ever believe that. It’s a lie.

What does He say?  “DO NOT FEAR!”  Exactly what we need.  He addresses our greatest need, deep at the core of our being. Often unspoken, He knows it’s there, constantly lurking just beneath the surface of our emotions.

You know what it’s like. That sense of foreboding, of what might be ahead, out there somewhere in the future. If you weren’t already in the lowest pit, this fear can throw you into one.

When your world is shaken and you cry out to God for help, I hope you’ll remember these things:

He hears you, and He will come near to speak words of comfort to your soul – exactly what you need when you need it.
Dear mom or dad, hear your Heavenly Father, Mighty God, King of the Universe, for whom nothing is too hard, whisper to your heart, “Do not fear!”  May His reassurance lift you out of the pit and set your feet on solid ground, even if your world is thrown into upheaval, because you know you are Not Alone.

What three words do hurting parents need to hear from God?

Do Not Fear!

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