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Posts Tagged ‘incarceration’

pray1Are you a parent in pain? Be honest–do you feel thankful? In my darkest days, I didn’t.

Does the mention of the word “thankful” make you want to run and hide? When your heart’s been broken by your beloved son or daughter the last thing you feel like doing is being thankful. If they’re incarcerated, have AIDS, are slowly killing themselves with alcohol or drugs (or maybe an eating disorder), suffer with a mental illness, threaten suicide repeatedly, self-injure continually but refuse help, you want the world to go away. I know. I’ve felt that way, especially when my daughter wasn’t doing well close to Thanksgiving.

But wait – there’s so much to be thankful for, EVEN when you’re in pain because of your child’s choices, behaviors and struggles. You may say, as  I once did, “Shut up and don’t talk to me. It ain’t happening. How can I? There’s nothing to be thankful for! ”

I know,  I know . . . it’s so easy to get stuck (more…)

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support group1Are you a mom or dad who thought you’d lose your mind from fear and worry over your beloved child?  Powerless, you stood by watching while they began going down the wrong road of drugs, alcohol, and self-injury. Maybe they were diagnosed with depression, OCD, bipolar, anxiety or some other mental illness.

They’ve possibly revealed a Same Sex Attraction or have been living a gay lifestyle.  Your heart may be breaking due to their incarceration and ongoing trouble with the law.

Alone is not good on this journey. Your natural instincts tell you to keep it to yourself, but isolation only increases your pain and makes it worse. I want to tell you about something that can make a huge difference. It can help you more than you could imagine – being in a support group. (more…)

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Meet today’s guest blogger and author, Ellen Gee. I’m very excited about a three-part series she wrote for us to hurting parents of inmates. I believe her insights will be of tremendous help to any parent who finds themselves in this situation that no parent is ever prepared for.

Ellen Gee blog photoAre you the hurting parent of an inmate? Have you been wondering how to stay connected with your son or daughter during their incarceration? We were.

It’s been almost twenty years since a Virginia judge handed down a six-year prison sentence to our then 19-year-old son.  Convicted of nineteen felonies – armed robbery, grand theft auto, use of a firearm in the commission of a felony, just to name a few (more…)

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Parents love their sons and daughters regardless of their behavior. From the day they were born we were smitten. As we watched them grow up our love for them grew stronger and stronger. Then things began to change. They began to rebel and disobey. We caught them in lies. We had to discipline and enforce boundaries. Then the day came when, to our sadness, we found ourselves being the bad guy- the enemy, insteadattitude of their hero. Sigh.

Sometimes we don’t like the person they’ve become. They’re rude, selfish, disrespectful, and even hateful.

Alcohol and drugs changed them.

Depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders and other mental illnesses changed them. (more…)

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Are you a mom or dad who feels like you’re going crazy? Our child’s destructive behaviors and unwise choices can bring us to the place of thinking we’re losing our mind. It’s pure insanity.

Insanity has been defined as “doing something the same way over and over again, expecting different results.” According to this, I must be insane.meditate

Over and over again I’ve made attempts to control and fix and change my daughter, only to get the same results. I’ve had a revelation.

I can’t do it. I can’t change her. It was wasted effort. Useless.

Living with the pain and stress of a loved one’s alcohol or drug abuse, self-harm,  mental illness, same-sex issues, pornography use, gambling, or suicidal tendencies can make you a little nutty. No matter how hard you try, you get the same results.

With good intentions we often try to control people, places and things, believing our way is the right way. Unsuccessful, we’re slow to recognize reality. We keep trying. It’s an insane way to live.

In the 12 Step recovery program, Step 3 says: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God . . .”

We need to come to the place where we’re ready to relinquish our desire for control and let our children – any age – learn from their mistakes.  When we do this we’ll have a more peaceful life. Sounds good to me.

I have to let go of what I want and of the idea that I have any power to change another person. I can only change myself – and I don’t even do that very well.

Recovery programs say this is “choosing between an insane life and a sane one”. My will – trying to make something happen – or God’s will – giving it to Him and trusting Him with the outcome.

How long will we continue running around in the same circles before we’re willing to admit defeat and turn to a Source of real help? Let’s stop doing the same things over and over again. This will only make us dizzy and sick.

I don’t know about you, but I want to exchange my insanity for the sanity God can give. He’s my source of help.  I can make this exchange when I  let go of my will and give my child over to His care.

I hate feeling so helpless and powerless, but I need to remember that God is in control. He is working where I can’t.God is in control

This Scripture verse gives me hope that with God’s help, I can get off the insanity merry-go-round:

“See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:19)

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