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Are you a mom or dad who feels like you’re going crazy? Our child’s destructive behaviors and unwise choices can bring us to the place of thinking we’re losing our mind. It’s pure insanity.

Insanity has been defined as “doing something the same way over and over again, expecting different results.” According to this, I must be insane.meditate

Over and over again I’ve made attempts to control and fix and change my daughter, only to get the same results. I’ve had a revelation.

I can’t do it. I can’t change her. It was wasted effort. Useless.

Living with the pain and stress of a loved one’s alcohol or drug abuse, self-harm,  mental illness, same-sex issues, pornography use, gambling, or suicidal tendencies can make you a little nutty. No matter how hard you try, you get the same results.

With good intentions we often try to control people, places and things, believing our way is the right way. Unsuccessful, we’re slow to recognize reality. We keep trying. It’s an insane way to live.

In the 12 Step recovery program, Step 3 says: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God . . .”

We need to come to the place where we’re ready to relinquish our desire for control and let our children – any age – learn from their mistakes.  When we do this we’ll have a more peaceful life. Sounds good to me.

I have to let go of what I want and of the idea that I have any power to change another person. I can only change myself – and I don’t even do that very well.

Recovery programs say this is “choosing between an insane life and a sane one”. My will – trying to make something happen – or God’s will – giving it to Him and trusting Him with the outcome.

How long will we continue running around in the same circles before we’re willing to admit defeat and turn to a Source of real help? Let’s stop doing the same things over and over again. This will only make us dizzy and sick.

I don’t know about you, but I want to exchange my insanity for the sanity God can give. He’s my source of help.  I can make this exchange when I  let go of my will and give my child over to His care.

I hate feeling so helpless and powerless, but I need to remember that God is in control. He is working where I can’t.God is in control

This Scripture verse gives me hope that with God’s help, I can get off the insanity merry-go-round:

“See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:19)

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Something I hate to do is wait, especially when I’m waiting for something I want to have happen. I can wait for a long time with no problem at all  for something I’mfrozen dreading:  A doctor’s appointment; results of a medical test; getting my teeth cleaned; a meeting to resolve some conflict or inter-personal problem – anything unpleasant. I don’t really want these things to happen. They can take a long time to occur as far as I’m concerned. That’s just fine with me.

But waiting for something I want to have happen,well, that’s quite different. I don’t like to wait for those things. You’re probably a lot like me.

This kind of waiting feels like a barren, frozen wasteland. And waiting for  my child to change when they’re making life-threatening choices involving drugs or alcohol, suffering from self injury, an eating disorder or mental illness, make repeated suicide attempts, in bondage to pornography, or are attracted to the same sex, is pure agony.

During a time in my life when I was having a particularly difficult time waiting for changes in my daughter’s life, I came across a book I found to be quite helpful. It had a huge impact on me when all I could do was cry out to God saying, “Help!”

I decided to share part of it with you in today’s post. The authors are two moms who have been there and understand what we go through every day. I hope their writing will encourage you as it did me.

“Of all the strategies we could suggest, waiting is perhaps the hardest. Somehow we feel better about dealing with our prodigals if we can take action – it gives us the false illusion that we are in control of things. The truth is, we’re not in control.  (more…)

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Has your child told you they are gay?  Are you still in shock?  Are you wondering how this could happen to your son or daughter?  Is it causing you much pain and heartache?  Are you wondering what to do, how to respond?  Do you feel the need for more understanding and guidance?  How would you like to hear from a former lesbian who wants to encourage parents just like you?

These are insights a former Lesbian (for 23 years) shared with a support group my husband and I lead for hurting parents.  Her words were so encouraging and helpful.  Her goal?  To give parents a new sense of hope.  (more…)

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