Posts Tagged ‘powerless’

*Today’s blog is written by Debbie Haughton, a licensed mental health counselor who is on our Hope for Hurting Parents caring concernBoard. She will explain what EMDR is and how it could help your child.

It’s difficult for a parent to see their son or daughter struggle and rebel. Some rebellion turns into drug and alcohol use, casual sex, and sometimes breaking the law. Parents feel powerless over what to do. Usually when a son or daughter is angry, belligerent, shutting down, unmotivated, or lashing out it usually means they are unhappy with themselves.
One of the best ways to help this situation is to provide counseling.

A very effective method that can be used to help someone who is stuck like this is called EMDR. I use this approach with 90% of my clients because they get better faster and really get to the root of their issues more easily.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is a great tool to help our sons and daughters get better. (more…)


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Are you a mom or dad who feels like you’re going crazy? Our child’s destructive behaviors and unwise choices can bring us to the place of thinking we’re losing our mind. It’s pure insanity.

Insanity has been defined as “doing something the same way over and over again, expecting different results.” According to this, I must be insane.meditate

Over and over again I’ve made attempts to control and fix and change my daughter, only to get the same results. I’ve had a revelation.

I can’t do it. I can’t change her. It was wasted effort. Useless.

Living with the pain and stress of a loved one’s alcohol or drug abuse, self-harm,  mental illness, same-sex issues, pornography use, gambling, or suicidal tendencies can make you a little nutty. No matter how hard you try, you get the same results.

With good intentions we often try to control people, places and things, believing our way is the right way. Unsuccessful, we’re slow to recognize reality. We keep trying. It’s an insane way to live.

In the 12 Step recovery program, Step 3 says: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God . . .”

We need to come to the place where we’re ready to relinquish our desire for control and let our children – any age – learn from their mistakes.  When we do this we’ll have a more peaceful life. Sounds good to me.

I have to let go of what I want and of the idea that I have any power to change another person. I can only change myself – and I don’t even do that very well.

Recovery programs say this is “choosing between an insane life and a sane one”. My will – trying to make something happen – or God’s will – giving it to Him and trusting Him with the outcome.

How long will we continue running around in the same circles before we’re willing to admit defeat and turn to a Source of real help? Let’s stop doing the same things over and over again. This will only make us dizzy and sick.

I don’t know about you, but I want to exchange my insanity for the sanity God can give. He’s my source of help.  I can make this exchange when I  let go of my will and give my child over to His care.

I hate feeling so helpless and powerless, but I need to remember that God is in control. He is working where I can’t.God is in control

This Scripture verse gives me hope that with God’s help, I can get off the insanity merry-go-round:

“See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:19)

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A hurricane turns into a super-storm. Fear. Anxiety. Devastation. Destruction. Lives are changed forever.

Life is full of storms. Some do more damage than others.

As I have watched my daughter struggle with addictions, depression and self-harm it has often felt like watching an approaching hurricane. Finding bloody tissues in her trash can. Suspecting she was hiding something from me when she would come in past her curfew. Smelling cigarette smoke on her clothes.

I know trouble is coming but I am powerless to stop it. I am aware of  the danger, but there is only so much I can do. I am powerless. When she was under eighteen I could do more to try and help her. But once she was an adult things changed.

I can only do the best I can to take care of myself and be prepared for what may come. (more…)

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