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Posts Tagged ‘trust’

come1You’ve been a good, loving, conscientious parent. You did the best you could. You thought you did it all right, you even took your child to church so they would believe in God and know right from wrong. You provided everything you thought was necessary for them to have a great life. But, somehow, you find yourself facing terribly painful situations with them that you never saw coming and you beat yourself up about it. You’re so hard on yourself, convinced it’s all your fault.

Your son or daughter has developed an addiction. They smoke pot every day. They need alcohol to function. They’ve been diagnosed with a mental illness (brain disorder) and either refuse treatment or can’t find the right medications. They’ve attempted suicide and been hopeless many times. Your daughter’s pregnant, or your son (more…)

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boundariesDo you find it hard to say no to your son or daughter? You know you should, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it? You give in too many times. I have. You want to be strong. You say you’re going to say no the next time, but . . .

I’m not speaking of a mature, responsible teen or adult child. Of course you help them if you can when they need it. I’m referring to the son or daughter who’s irresponsible, has addictions, or other patterns of destructive and dangerous behavior.

When you say yes to the latter, you think you’re being loving and helping but really – you’re not. Love needs to be tough. Helping only keeps them dependent on you, and it prevents (more…)

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horse The perfect gift. Is there such a thing – especially for brokenhearted parents? Did you struggle to come up with just the right present to give your spouse, partner, parent(s), sister, friend or grandparent this year?

You want the gift to be special for those you love. It needs to show thought and care. You go to great efforts to take into consideration their likes and dislikes.

In recent years my husband and I have gone so far as to let our adult children shop for themselves. That way we know for sure they’re getting something they will like and need.

And what about your “prodigal”? That’s a horse of a different color. (more…)

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Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. It’s the official start of the holiday season. It can be a brutal time of year for parents whose childrenturkey are ruining their lives with drugs or alcohol, suffer with a mental illness, self-injure, have an eating disorder, struggle with their sexual orientation, are in trouble with the law or are in prison, and on and on. You may be dreading this day – and the Christmas season altogether.

I remember when my daughter was young and innocent. She’d be excited to watch the Thanksgiving parade curled up on my lap, giddy with anticipation. Happy sounds filled the house. After our big meal she would eagerly pull on the turkey’s wishbone with a sibling or other relative, smiling and laughing, hoping her wish would come true.When she was in full-blown addiction the holidays only brought  increased pain and sadness. Regret. Longing. Tears.

 

What about you? Do you find yourself yearning for your wish come true; for your child’s health and well-being to be restored? Would you be giddy with excitement just to have them back, fully restored? I wish it was as easy as pulling on a turkey bone. (more…)

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Have you ever felt like your fears and anxieties about your child were getting the best of you? Did you wonder how in the world you were going to cope with the myriad of things you worried about? Maybe your child abuses drugs or alcohol, is a self-injurer, has an eating disorder, a same-sex attraction, a mental illness, struggles with suicidal thoughts, or is incarcerated. You’re a nervous wreck. Consuming every waking hour your sleep is also affected. What to do?

During a time when I was struggling with many fears for my daughter, I heard about making a God Box. It’s not my own original idea. I heard about it in an Al-Anon meeting and it was very powerful for 048me. This strategy helped me deal with my emotions of fear, worry and anxiety. It helped me trust God and let go a little more.

Here’s how it works: (more…)

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Have you been caught in the middle of a storm with your son or daughter that feels like it will never be over? The phone calls in the middle of the night; collect calls from jail to bail them out one more time; repeated hospitalizations; endless medical bills; crisis after crisis. Have you found yourself in a situation where its really not healthy for you to be too involved in your child’s life anymore?

fall15Maybe they struggle with an addiction to drugs or alcohol (or something else); a mental illness or brain disorder, or with self-injuring behaviors (cutting or an eating disorder); a same-sex attraction; or are constantly in and out of trouble with the law.

You’ve done everything you knew to do. You’ve tried hard to rescue them, save them, change them and fix them – but nothing worked. You’re stuck in a never-ending storm. You feel like you can’t take it any more.

What do you need? (besides for your child to be okay) You need the serenity that comes from learning to love your child from a distance. Serenity isn’t the absence of a storm, it’s peace in the middle of it. (more…)

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I remember when I felt very discouraged and depressed about my daughter. At nineteen-years-old she was addicted to alcohol and drugs, had a 038brain disorder (mental illness) and a serious problem with cutting. The strain of her destructive choices and behaviors was getting to me. I felt like I was stuck in a drought, languishing in a heat wave with no end in sight.

Is the heat chipping away at your confidence and trust, causing you to give in to worry and fear for your son or daughter? Do you wonder if they’ll ever be okay?  Will you ever have a normal life or a loving relationship with them? Have you lost count how many times they’ve been arrested, gone to rehab or relapsed? Have you forgotten how many times they’ve been hospitalized or in the psych ward?

There have been so many arguments. So much chaos. So much despair. Their lives appear to be drying up and fading away.

It may feel like yours is, too. (more…)

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