Are You the Parent of an Addict?

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you didn’t know your way around? You had no map to help you get your bearings or direct you to where you needed to go. You were lost. And on top of that you were alone. There was no one to ask for help. Or maybe you were in a foreign country and everyone  spoke another language. So they couldn’t help you.

It’s frightening and unsettling. This describes how I felt when I first learned my daughter had a serious problem with alcohol and drugs. Lost and disoriented I had no clue where to find help. At the time no one I knew had faced this with any of their children.

I’ve been on this path for a little over ten years now. It hasn’t been easy to find resources and learn about this strange, foreign world I found myself in the middle of. Today I’m going to share with you a few of my favorite books for parents of addicts. Each one has helped me regain my bearings.

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Former Agnostic Shares Story to Encourage Parents – Part 1

Today I’m going to share with you Part 1 of the journey of a former agnostic, raised in a strong Christian home, whom God has transformed into a passionate follower of Christ. TJ agreed to share his story to give hurting parents hope for their son or daughter.

Once upon a time, not that long ago, the deepest, most venomous anger, hatred, and bitterness were eating me alive from the inside out. Nearly a decade of rejecting God had finally caught up with me. The burdens of greed and selfishness were at long last caving in.

I was dying in my heart, and there was no one to blame but me. In that moment I faced one terrifying question: What on earth had I done?

On the outside, my image didn’t add up. Raised in a devout home, I went to a private Christian school, had two amazing parental examples, and was taught to memorize the Bible from a young age. But, by the time I got to high school I’d grown bored with everything that had to do with God and church.

Blah, blah – I knew the stories. Blah, blah – Christ died. Blah, blah – life with God is wonderful. Blah, blah, blah. I was tired of the same old, same old.

So one day, when I was about fifteen-years-old,

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Three Words Hurting Parents Need to Hear

This is a re-post of a blog I wrote on August 27, 2011.

Current events around the world strike fear in the hearts of many people. Another journalist was beheaded. No way!  How could this happen?  What next?  The reactions are similar to what parents in pain over the behaviors, struggles, and choices of their children experience.

My child’s on drugs? They have a problem with alcohol?  They’re cutting themselves? They have an eating disorder?  They have a mental illness?  They’re suicidal? They’re attracted to the same sex?  They have a problem with pornography? They’re in jail? No way! Shock, denial, and fear are huge.

This Bible verse comes to mind:

I called on Your name, O Lord, out of the lowest pit.
You have heard my voice, “Do not hide your ear from my prayer for relief, from my cry for help.”
You drew near when I called on You;
You said, “Do not fear!'”
(Lamentations 3: 55-57)

Do you ever feel like you’re in a deep, dark pit? I sure have – exactly like this verse describes; crying out for God to hear my prayer and bring relief; to do something and please, hurry! That’s when I needed to hear these words.

I don’t know about you, but if I’m really honest, I would tell you that when I draw near to God I don’t always feel His nearness. Oh yes, I have felt Him close – powerfully close — many times, but not every time.

Those are the times I had to rely on my faith and what I believed to be true. This passage helped. It told me when I cry out to Him and do my best to seek Him in my pain,  He will  respond.

He draws near.

He not only hears, but he takes action.

He comes.

He is moved by my pain.

It touches Him.

He is not apathetic.

Don’t you ever believe that. It’s a lie.

What does He say?  “DO NOT FEAR!”  Exactly what we need.  He addresses our greatest need, deep at the core of our being. Often unspoken, He knows it’s there, constantly lurking just beneath the surface of our emotions.

You know what it’s like. That sense of foreboding, of what might be ahead, out there somewhere in the future. If you weren’t already in the lowest pit, this fear can throw you into one.

When your world is shaken and you cry out to God for help, I hope you’ll remember these things:

He hears you, and He will come near to speak words of comfort to your soul – exactly what you need when you need it.
Dear mom or dad, hear your Heavenly Father, Mighty God, King of the Universe, for whom nothing is too hard, whisper to your heart, “Do not fear!”  May His reassurance lift you out of the pit and set your feet on solid ground, even if your world is thrown into upheaval, because you know you are Not Alone.

What three words do hurting parents need to hear from God?

Do Not Fear!

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When Parents Dreams Turn into Disappointments

Today’s blog is an excerpt from the book I’m writing about my difficult journey as a parent.

“No one is exempt from tragedy or disappointment—God himself was not exempt. Jesus offered no immunity, no way out of the unfairness, but rather a way through . . .” (Philip Yancey, Disappointment with God; Zondervan. New York, NY. 1988; p.217)

As loving, conscientious parents we had the need to find an explanation for why things turned out like they did with our daughter. At nineteen, she was struggling with drug and alcohol abuse, bipolar, anxiety, cutting, and trauma from being raped. How could this happen to the dreams I had for her? What did I do wrong? It’s not fair! Where is God? I was so angry and disappointed.

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What Can Make the Difference for Parents with Troubled Children?

Have you found yourself in the position of not liking like the person your child has become? 

When they’re rude, hurtful, disrespectful and downright hateful it’s hard not to. Suddenly, we’re the bad guy; the enemy. 

Alcohol and drugs changed them. 

Depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders and other mental illnesses altered them.

Time in jail or prison made them different.

Trauma transformed them.

So much they’ve experienced has in a sense, taken our child from us.  Before we know it, they’re no longer the person we once knew. The sweet, innocent, son or daughter we  raised and have so many special memories of – where did they go?  What happened?  It’s baffling. Mystifying.

But they’re still our sons, our daughters.  Underneath it all is a frightened, lost soul.  Our precious child is still in there – somewhere.

Is there anything that can make a difference? What could it possibly be? 

LOVE.

An unfailing love from God – demonstrated through you. None of us deserve it, yet, His love for us never fails, no matter what we’ve done.  Think about that for a minute.  Love that can’t wear out, give out or fizzle out.  It’s impossible – absolutely not possible – to ever cease to exist –  no way, no how –  for it to stop or come to an end . . . ever!

Nothing can separate us from God’s love.  NOT A THING.

I found it comforting to think of how much God loved my daughter, no matter what she did or what had been done to her.  Somehow, it gave me hope that if He loved her that much, then one day she just might be okay. I could put her in His hands and entrust her into His care because of this remarkable  love.

I could depend on it.  It was a sure thing.  It didn’t guarantee the outcome I wanted, but I could trust that out of His love He would do whatever it would take to try to reach her.  He’s faithful and He can do it.

When I was thinking about this, I remembered a song. Maybe you know it:

 “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning, new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness, O Lord. Great is thy faithfulness.” 

These two Bible verses sums it up well:

Lamentations 3:21-23   “Yet this I call to mind and therefore, I have hope; because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

Psalm 119: 76a   “May your unfailing love be my comfort . . .”

Find comfort in knowing and believing that because God’s love never fails, there is always hope – for everyone.  As a dear friend of mine likes to sign her emails: LNF.  Love Never Fails!

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